Yesterday's Tomorrows Read online

  I nodded and awkwardly disentangled myself from him, but he continued to hold me close as he kept us under the umbrella and guided us to the front doors of the apartment building. It wasn't a long distance, but it felt awkward bumping against him, and I instinctively put my arm back around his waist.

  Holt snapped the umbrella shut and followed me into the lobby, then pushed the button on the elevator and followed me inside when the doors immediately opened. He caught my surprised look. "I was taught to always escort a lady to her door. Besides," he smirked, "my mother would somehow find out I didn't live up to her teachings, and truthfully, she's the only person in this world I'm a little bit afraid of."

  "You're afraid of your mom?" I couldn't imagine Holt being afraid of anyone.

  He chuckled and winked at me. "You wouldn't know it to look at her. She's shorter than you and comes across as pretty and sweet. But if you get her feathers riled up, look out. She's got every bit of a Scottish red-headed temper and has no issues taking someone to task, especially her children. But she loves us just as fiercely."

  I was quiet, struck by his words. I wondered what it would be like to have a mother like that. He claimed she scared him, but his words were spoken with affection, not fear.

  I unlocked my door and began to thank him, but stopped as I saw him rock on his feet with his hands in his pockets. If I didn't know better, I would swear he didn't want to leave. "W...would you like to come inside? It's still raining, and there's no need --"

  "Sure." He quickly stepped past me.

  Well, call me confused as a cow on Astroturf. Was that relief I saw on his face?

  10

  Holt

  I moved quickly into her apartment as I blew out a breath of relief. I thought I had wanted to be alone tonight, but being with Madelyn was a much better distraction. Maybe it was because she didn't expect anything from me. Well, check that. She probably expected some sort of altercation since that’s what we seemed to specialize in. She definitely seemed surprised I accepted her invitation.

  And you think she's pretty.

  I tried to hush that annoying voice in my head. I'd certainly seen my share of beautiful, glamorous women, and I couldn't say that Madelyn lived up to their same attributes. She wasn't as tall, wasn't as perfectly made up, and didn't dress as seductively or elegantly as them. There wasn't exactly any one thing that stood out about her...except for her eyes. They were a complex mixture of brown and green flecks. I knew that depending on her mood, one color would stand out more than the other, like one of those damn mood rings that the girls wore when I was in grade school. They flashed like emeralds when she was spun up, but then they'd settle into a warm brown when she was calm.

  And her hair. I'm sure there was a more appropriate name than reddish brown, but it wasn't auburn and it wasn't brunette. It was more like the chestnuts that fell on the ground at my grandfather's farm. And now that she'd finally let her hair down, literally and figuratively, it fell in silky waves below her shoulders. I longed to run my fingers through it.

  I was definitely attracted to her. She was an enticing combination of sass and spice, sweet and tart, strength and vulnerability. She certainly fit into my fuckable category. But with Madelyn Stone, that didn’t feel quite right. That meant she was trouble. And yet, here I was.

  The thump of her backpack as she dropped it near the door brought my mind back to reality.

  "It's small, but welcome to my humble abode. Although, I guess you've seen it before," she was saying.

  I glanced around. She'd added some colorful pillows and throws, as well as a few jewel-toned accent pieces that added life and personality. It was surprising, given how plain and simple she dressed. A couple of potted plants in corners and some kind of window covering made the small room feel warm and inviting

  "You've made some nice additions. It looks homey. You should be proud."

  She twisted her hands nervously. "I, uh, I know it's sort of late, but um, I have some leftover homemade chili I threw together last night. It's only meat because I don't like beans, but it always tastes good when it’s cold and miserable outside. I was planning to have some tonight, and there's plenty if you'd like some. I mean it's nothing fancy, but it will be warm and..."

  I laughed softly at her rambling. "That happens to be one of my favorite comfort foods if you're sure you have enough and don't mind sharing."

  Her mouth pulled up at the corners, and her cheeks turned a pale pink. "It will be nice to have the company. It gets a bit lonely around here, sometimes." She turned quickly as if shocked by her admission, and I couldn't stop the warm feeling that crept outward from the place I thought had grown cold years ago.

  I watched as she moved gracefully about, pulling out everything she needed to warm the chili. She grabbed a bowl and a muffin tin and opened a mix to make cornbread. My stomach growled in anticipation.

  I walked the few steps from the living room to the kitchen. "What can I do to help?"

  "Um, maybe get a couple of glasses from that cabinet? I'm sorry, I don't have a lot of choices for drinks."

  I got the glasses down along with two plates and found some silverware in a drawer. She stayed quiet, intent on the pot on the stove. I hoped she wasn't regretting inviting me in.

  "Do I make you nervous?" I knew I could be intimidating in the courtroom. I used that to my advantage often. But I didn't like the idea that she might be scared of me. I crossed my arms and ankles and leaned against the counter next to where she stood pouring the muffin mixture into the tin mold.

  She put the pan in the oven before turning to face me.

  "Truth?"

  "Well, I don't usually prefer to be lied to," I answered wryly.

  She crossed her arms as well. "Yes, you do. I mean, every encounter between us has ended with one of us throwing insults, including just over an hour ago. I don't understand why you're here, with me of all people, when there must be other people you'd rather spend your time with." She blew out a breath. "So, yes, I'm waiting for this...this," she waved her hand in the air, "niceness to end in another argument."

  I slipped my hands into my pockets and held her gaze. "I'm really sorry about earlier. I didn't know it was you who was in there when I barged in. My big mouth ran away with my imagination before my eyes caught up with it."

  More green than brown eyes stared back at mine as if trying to discern if I was sincere.

  "It's no excuse, but today has been a shitty day, and I was already in a bad mood. I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of it. So I'm not here to make trouble. Would you believe me if I said I just want to get to know you better?" Not to mention you're providing a much-needed sanctuary tonight.

  She appeared to contemplate my words while she turned the stove off. Her hair hid her face as she bowed her head. "I'm not used to people wanting to get to know me without an ulterior motive."

  I watched the woman whose life read like a mystery. The problem was, I loved mysteries. I found real pleasure in picking up clues and trying to piece them together before the final chapter confirmed if I was right or wrong. But her wall was up, understandably, so I put my questions on hold for now.

  "My only motive is to prove to you that I'm not always an ass." I resisted the impulse to pull her into a hug. I settled for tucking her hair behind her ear.

  She flinched at my touch, so I withdrew and changed the subject. "What would you like to drink?"

  She visibly relaxed and smiled. "I'll have ice water, please. But there's some soda in the fridge if you'd like it. I'm sorry I don't have any beer or wine to offer."

  I filled both of our glasses with water and ice while she poured the chili into the bowls and set them on the table. She pulled a block of cheese from the fridge and started to grate it.

  "It smells really good. Where did you learn to cook?"

  "My grandmother was one of those natural kinds of cooks," she replied. "I don't think there was anything she made that wasn't the best you could imagine, although maybe
not the healthiest." She grinned and looked sideways at me. "Nothing fancy, but lots of butter and baked goods. Very country."

  "Sounds delicious."

  "My favorite memories all happened in her kitchen by her side." Her smile faded.

  "What happened to her?" I asked gently.

  "She died." She said it so matter-of-factly, but I didn't miss the flash of pain that whispered across her face before it was gone.

  She blew out her breath. "I think dinner's ready."

  She whirled around and grabbed some potholders and pulled the cornbread from the oven. She dumped them onto a plate and set it on the table along with the cheese and gestured for me to sit. I recognized deflection when I saw it, but I accepted it. I waited until she was settled and took a bite. Whatever else I didn't know about Madelyn, I knew she could cook. The masterful blend of flavors infused in the meat was amazing. If she could do this with chili, I hoped I had more opportunities to sample more of her cooking.

  "So, tell me, did you always want to become a lawyer?" she asked.

  I chuckled. "No. I used to want to be a cowboy, but my mom wouldn't buy me a horse, so I eventually lost interest. Then I wanted to be a paleontologist, but my mother once again put a halt to it." She raised questioning eyebrows at me. "Apparently she wasn't impressed by the holes I dug in the backyard in search of the great Holtasaurus."

  She giggled. A real honest-to-god happy sound that went along with a huge smile that lit up her face. "A Holtasaurus?"

  I shrugged my shoulders and grinned back. "Well, I figured if I did the work, I deserved the credit."

  She leaned back in her chair and raised her eyebrows. "Why do I suspect you were a handful growing up?"

  I winked at her, wanting to keep that smile on her face. "What makes you think I'm not still?"

  She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you are."

  Long after the chili was gone, I was still making her laugh with stories from my childhood.

  "Your poor mother," she gasped after a particularly funny story about my and Cal's plan to become firemen heroes. "At least you didn't burn the house down."

  "No, but after the lecture from the real firemen, we were pretty much scared straight, and life got a little easier for her." That is until I was an adult and put her through pure hell.

  Madelyn suddenly yawned, although she tried to hide it behind her hand. I glanced at my watch. It was after ten. Not overly late, but I couldn't believe the two hours I'd been there had passed so quickly.

  "I should be going," I announced. I stood and carried my dishes to the sink. "Thank you for the late dinner. It was delicious."

  She joined me at the sink. "You're welcome. I enjoyed it."

  "You sound surprised."

  "A little. I honestly wasn't sure what to expect tonight, but you did a good job hiding your assiness."

  I choked. "My assiness?"

  "Yeah. You said you wanted to prove you weren't always an ass." She gave me an innocent look, but there was a certain glimmer in her eye. "I had my doubts."

  At first, I was insulted, then suddenly I burst out laughing. "You'd make a good lawyer, Madelyn. I recognize that tactic. Trying to make me throw my game to see if it was all just a ruse. I'm impressed." I walked to the living room and put my jacket back on.

  "Maddy."

  I turned to her, confused.

  "My friends call me Maddy, not Madelyn."

  "Are we friends then, Maddy?"

  "Maybe? I mean I'm not sure what we are, but you know more about me than most people, so that can make you either my friend or my enemy, and I could really use some more friends."

  Her arms were crossed again as if she was bracing for me to reject her. I suspected there had been a lot of hurt in her life.

  "I'm not your enemy, Maddy." I stood in front of the door. "I'm sure you have good reason to keep people out, but maybe it's time to allow someone in. It's a tough road trying to navigate through life all by yourself don't you think?"

  She looked startled by my comment. "I wish it was that easy."

  "What happened to you, Madelyn?" I whispered.

  She was quiet for a long time, and I regretted the turn in our conversation.

  "Just a matter of being born," she said, so softly the words seemed to get lost in the air. But I heard them. Sure, maybe life had dealt her a shit hand somewhere along the way, and she'd made bad choices. But her comment, as extreme as it was, sounded like she believed it, and my cold heart broke for her.

  I bent my knees trying to bring my eyes level with hers, but it was hard since she was intent on staring at our feet. "Being born isn't a bad thing, Madelyn."

  "It was in my family," she muttered.

  "I'm glad you were born," I whispered and ran my fingers through her hair over one ear and dragged them to the back of her head. "You've helped me get through a really bad day, even helped me forget for a few precious minutes. And I don't think anyone else could have accomplished that, not even the bottle of Scotch I was headed home to."

  "What did I help you forget?" she whispered back, finally looking into my eyes, as if desperate to believe my confession.

  I started to pull her in for a hug, but as I looked into her warm brown eyes, I felt lured to her. I managed to shift before it was too late and pressed my lips to her forehead instead of her lips.

  "An even worse day," I mumbled against her skin.

  Knowing I better leave before I did something stupid, I quickly released her. I turned and left before she could ask the question I knew she wanted to ask. Maybe I could keep from showing my ass, but I wasn't ready to bare my soul.

  Back in my truck, I turned the radio up as I made my way home on the rain-slicked streets. I needed the distraction from thinking too much about the past two hours. And once I was home I attempted to lose myself in some movie on television. It somewhat worked. But when I finally crawled beneath my covers, I tossed and turned before finally falling into an exhausted sleep. Only just as I succumbed, it wasn't the blonde hair and blue eyed face that I adored that whispered good night to me. This time it was a girl with hair the color of a warm autumn day and dark eyes that didn't know my story, but understood it just the same.

  11

  Maddy

  It had been over a week since Holt had come to my apartment. His office door was usually closed when I made my mail rounds, but he'd come out of his office a couple of times while I spoke briefly with Linda, his secretary. He always greeted me with a smile but remained completely professional.

  Sometimes I wondered if I had dreamed that kiss that had kept me awake for a long time after he'd left. When he'd bent his head toward mine, I couldn't breathe. Had I wanted him to kiss me, a real kiss, not the brotherly one I'd gotten?

  In some ways, I felt so old, and in others extremely young. Most girls my age had experienced love several times over by now. Some would even be married, maybe with a baby. But at twenty-four, I was still like a little girl with no real experience with boys, much less men. There had been a couple of meaningless flirtations when I was in high school, but I had been quiet and shy, and the boys had gravitated to the more self-assured girls or the ones who were known to put out. All those women I'd been surrounded by in prison were always talking about how much they missed 'getting cock.' I knew some of them had been creative about finding substitutes for the real thing or negotiating favors in exchange for sex with certain prison guards. Or trying to intimidate newcomers.

  I shuddered and brought my mind back to my work. I was in the break room utilizing the large table to alphabetize and tag some folders before filing them. I loved my job and had grown comfortable enough to make some recommendations for streamlining some of the paperwork and organizing and prioritizing requests. It hadn't gone unnoticed and had been appreciated by most people.

  "What's the matter, Madelyn? No one around for you to suck up to?"

  Everyone but her that is.

  I sighed. Just one day, I'd like to go without having to listen to Mist
y's snarky comments. Most of the people I worked around were friendly. I found myself smiling more and more, and bantering with a couple of other girls who also assisted in various clerical duties. But Misty Barnes had quickly become a thorn in my side ever since she overheard Mrs. Holmes compliment my efficiency.

  "Where is the stack of papers I gave you this morning, Misty?" Mrs. Holmes walked into the room. She looked pointedly at Misty, who sat at a table filing her nails.

  "What?" she asked batting her eyes. "I'm on my break, just like I'm entitled."

  Mrs. Holmes stiffened but didn't say anything.

  "I’ll get to them," she said defensively.

  "I specifically told you those were a priority when I handed them to you earlier."

  "I'm sure Mr. Andrews will understand," she cooed. "I was just telling him how busy I stayed when he took me out to lunch the other day. He wants me to become his new legal assistant after all." She looked smug as she answered Mrs. Holmes, who in turn looked largely unimpressed.

  "I suggest you get your current job done now, Ms. Barnes, before you find yourself wishing you were still a lowly clerk at this firm." Mrs. Holmes's glare had the intended effect, and Misty snapped her mouth shut.

  "She gets on my nerves," Misty spluttered when Mrs. Holmes left. "I'll be glad when I move up from here."

  I didn't know Holt was looking for an assistant, but that didn't stop me from needling her. "I wasn't aware that the job was already yours."

  "Well," Misty flung her blonde hair over her shoulder and leaned in as if sharing a big secret, "it's just a matter of time. Holt's always taken the time to talk to me anytime I'm in his office, and he insisted on taking me to lunch a few days ago." She began to giggle like a silly school girl. “Oh, is that man hot!" She fanned her face with her hand.

  I couldn't bite back my snicker as she acted all 'girlfriend' with me. "Well, I wish you luck with that," I said and turned to grab the stack of files.